By Gina Rollo White, Mindful Junkie

Really, who isn’t saying WTF these days. Not just once, but at least 20 times a day (if you aren’t, please tell me your secret)? Just a few of mine:

WTF with the news?

WTF with people?

WTF with family?

WTF with Covid-19?

What is the answer to all these questions?

Seriously, I wish I knew. But I do know what helps! My own personal, maybe a bit nontraditional mindfulness tool called “JFB” – Just F’ing Breathe.

The second that I think WTF, I try and remember to JFB!

Surprised that’s Mindfulness?

You may be shocked to hear that JFB is a mindfulness technique. Truth be told, it might not be. It’s very possible I made it up (shhhh, don’t tell anyone). But when I am going down the WTF rat hole, JFB seems to do the trick to right my course. Yes, there are a ton of other more traditional mindfulness tools to choose from (more on that in my next blog), but JFB just happens to be the one I use a lot and I REALLY like!

So is mindfulness the antidote to WTF?

I wish I could say, “my mindfulness practice allows me to stay calm, peaceful, and euphoric all day long, and yours can too!” NOPE, that ain’t the case. The reality is that even though I have a pretty strong meditation practice, I still lose my crap, not just once a day, but all day long!

Mindfulness however does help to calm me in moments of distress. Moments when I want to scream at the news, or my kids, or society, or my work load , or or or or or or or . . . ahhhh - it's happening right now . . . here’s a great moment to JFB . . . OK. I did it. Phew, I can think again.

Mindfulness may not be a panacea, but it can help keep you from hitting your stress threshold. By practicing mindfulness you train your brain to notice what is occurring – hear yourself say WTF – and then take action to manage your emotions – JFB.

How do I know when to JFB?

Applying a mindfulness tool like JFB only works if we know WHEN to do it. That seems obvious, right? So how do you know when?

Mindfulness trains you to notice when things are going haywire and then do something about it. So JFB has two parts. First, you notice that you've been hit with a strong thought or emotion (WTF), and then you apply a strategy to help you recover (JFB). And repeat. And repeat. And repeat all day long.

With Mindfulness, you will still have difficult moments, but training helps you notice the moments as they arise, and then apply a mindfulness tool that gives you a path to recovery.

How does JFB work?

Say you are having a WTF moment. Maybe your heart is beating fast, or you have negative thoughts running through your mind, or you simply check out. Now what? Stop what you are doing and take a few breaths. Taking a few breaths when you are hitting an edge, actually helps to decrease stress hormones that have permeated your system. This can help to redirect away from crazy thoughts, calm your nerves, and stop a potential downward spiral.

How do you actually practice JFB?

You literally “JUST F’ING BREATHE”! When you feel overwhelmed or agitated, or when someone is screaming at you, take a breath . . . or two . . . or three. It’s helpful regardless of when you notice the agitation. In other words, whether you are anticipating it, in the middle of it, or even looking back on a WTF moment, JFB-ing helps!

What can help you when you have a WTF moment:

JFB: Take 3 purposeful breaths before, during or after a WTF moment.
Recall things that make you happy: When you are hit with a strong or negative emotion, bring to mind things that create joy (see below).

What can help you anticipate or prepare for WTF moments?

Identify things that make you happy: start your day, before you get out of bed, by thinking of a few things that bring you happiness / joy; imagine surfing, playing ping pong, family dinners (yes,that’s my list). Then purposefully recall these happy moments when you are hit with a strong or negative emotion.
Daily mindful moments: find five minutes during the day to be curious about what you are experiencing “am I happy?”, “am I annoyed?” and then “what does that feel like?” See if taking some deep breaths helps. Or you can listen to sounds or find something pleasant to look at instead. There are numerous ways to access Mindfulness. More on this in my next blog.
Mindfulness meditation: listen to a guided mindfulness meditation on Youtube or a podcast. It doesn’t have to be long; it can be 3 minutes, 5 minutes, or 10 minutes.

“But I can’t do that

sitting-in-silence, blank-mind, crossed-legged,

yoga-pants-wearing,

1-hour-breathing meditation thing!”

I can’t count the number of times that I hear this. And guess what? I said it myself, and it’s not the way I practice mindfulness meditation.

So how do I meditate?

Sitting, standing, lying down or even walking around. Then bring awareness to your breathing, and purposefully pay attention to your thoughts. Here is what I do:

I find a seat that is comfortable (chair, couch, bed),
I close my eyes (sometimes I leave them open - crazy right?),
I choose something to focus on. What you focus on is referred to as your anchor,
I then focus on my anchor. If my anchor is breathing as in JFB, I say, out loud or to myself, “breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out.” If my anchor is listening, I pay attention to the sounds in the room.
While doing this, my mind often wanders. It is normal for thoughts to constantly pop into your head.
When I notice that my mind has wandered away from my anchor (breathing), I remind myself to focus back on breathing. This happens during the entire mediation – focus - lose focus - regain focus. You will get more comfortable with practice!

It is really important for me to emphasise that the cycle of “anchor, thought, JFB, anchor, thought, JFB” is the Mindfulness Training. It’s not about having a blank or empty mind. It is not about sitting in a particular position like a statue. It’s about training your brain to 1) notice that you were trying to focus on something, 2) identify that you got distracted and 3) redirect your attention back to focusing.

The secret sauce in mindfulness is: Notice what’s occurring and Apply a strategy that works to bring you back from a chaotic moment and calm your nerves. I will discuss alternative mindfulness strategies like listening, sensing, moving, imagining in my next blog.

So when you have WTF Moments...

WTF with the news, WTF with people, WTF with family WTF with Covid-19, remember to

JFB…Just F’ing Breathe